Assalamualaikum...
Dear blog, thank you for being such a patient blog (for what ever that means).. i know i have been ranting and complaining about mostly bad things in my life. Not that i blamed myself for being such a crappy blogger. But, thanks anyway. You gave a chance to let out all my feelings that i cannot say it out loud. Thanks to you, i have become a better writer.
My life has had many many ups and downs.. mostly down. Everytime good things happen, bad things also happen. So, i always think, why did this has to be me? Why can't i live a simpler life? Why my life is so complicated? Well, i supposed that should make me stronger. I am stronger. But, somehow, my heart has hardened. It became less heartily and it scares me. I am scared of myself. I always thought i am better than anyone. I am. But i wished i am not.
I want to get married. I want to start a family. But not the way my parents want me to. I want a guy to want to marry me, not because of my family. I want a guy who loves me, no matter how bad i am, regardless of my bad habits. I want him to understand me, someone who can withstand me, my temper, my jealousy, my fluctuates emotions. I just want someone who can compliment me, complete the remaining parts of me. But, no matter how hard i try, it just seems so wrong. I always meet the wrong guy.
Being in a judgmental community is hard. I don't want to explain myself why i am still single, while my younger sister is married and expecting her 1st baby. I am sick of this kind of society. Why can't you all leave me alone? Let me decide when i want to get married.
I'm gonna stop myself here. The longer i write, the more emotional this entry will be. Stay tuned for any , what ever. Bye.
Wassalam.
